So here I am in Missouri, getting better and better each day. I am improving, which is really exciting. I am not 100% better, but I am getting more and more healthy here. These two weeks at home, not being a missionary, have been pretty hard for me. It is has been really fun being home with family and friends, but having the thought of what I am going to do next over my head for 2 weeks has been hard. I have prayed more than ever before. Right when I got home, I already decided in my head that if I did return to my mission, I would only go to Mexico. Nowhere else. I thought Mexico was my calling. And it was! So that thought was in my mind for a long time.
As time went on, I thought about just staying home, working and heading up to school again in January. That thought was comforting to me, just because I have already done that before so it seemed easier. I thought that I should just continue my education and maybe even get married! That thought was in my mind next. In fact, I went to the temple on Friday with that thought. Before the temple on Friday though, I have had many neat experiences while I have been home. I have worked at the Bishop's Storehouse, I have helped a several people move, I have babysat, helped struggling people and just a lot of little service opportunities. It was easy for me to think that if I do stay home, I can continue to serve and build up the Lord's kingdom this way! There are plenty of opportunities like this everywhere without being a full-time missionary!
Throughout my session at the temple on Friday, I felt so much peace. About everything. I went into the celestial room and just started to cry. This whole journey has been really hard for me, spiritually and emotionally. I was talking to my mom about how I wanted to stay home, we both prayed about it and we both felt peace after. I had my answer.
After I got home, my mom told me that I should start figuring out where I am going to live, what classes I will take, all of that. I was getting really excited but I was scared that it wasn't the right decision. Big decisions are so scary! I have learned that throughout all of this. Anyway, we went forward with this decision. After my dad got home from work that night, we decided to talk as a family; just my parents and I about my decision. I told them my feelings and why I wanted to stay home. For the people that have known me for a long time, I have always wanted to serve a mission. Basically since I was 8 years old. While we were talking, my dad kept on reminding me of this. They said whatever decision I make, they will support me 100% but they just didn't want me to have any regrets about either decision. As we finished talking, I realized that I needed to finish my mission. I needed to show the Lord that I still have the desire to serve, because I do! As I have been home, I have missed my mission and being a missionary so much.
So, I have decided to go back out into the mission field in the United States. Because of health reasons, I physically can't finish my mission in Mexico. This is so sad to me. My mission president and his wife have become two of my favorite people in the world and the people of Mexico will always have a place in my heart. I will miss everything about Mexico so much, but I know the Lord needs me in the mission field still, just not in Mexico. This is hard for me, but I know it is right. I believe that my experiences in Mexico that I had will help me and have prepared me for my mission in the states. I think I am lucky, I get to serve two missions! Who gets to do that? ;)
I cannot begin to thank everyone that has helped me throughout my journey. I am so thankful for all of the love that I have felt from so many people. I have the best people in my life. Thank you for everything.
P.S. We don't know where my mission is yet and we don't know if I will still be speaking Spanish, but I will post something on Facebook when we know more!